Why Do I Keep Fixating on the Gospel?

If you’ve asked that question, don’t worry, you’re not alone. I often ask myself that question, too. You see, I’ve always believed the Gospel, and I’ve always taught it, too. I’ve always felt it’s the most important issue in all of life. But something has changed recently. I can’t stop thinking about it, talking about it, appreciating it, longing for more of it. What has happened exactly?

I think part of the reason is that I hadn’t heard it expounded on for such a long time. The things that I’ve written in my blog on the Gospel–those things haven’t been taught to me for quite some time. Perhaps some of you read my blog, and think–“Well, duh. You’re not saying anything new here, Tim. We all know this about the Gospel and have moved on from this a long time ago. This is milk, not meat” Well for me, it’s new all over again. New in a way that it’s never been like before. This is the closest I’ve ever been to what it must feel like for someone who has lived all their lives as a non-believer, and then 30 years later, they come to faith in Christ for the first time, and what a dramatic change it brings–eyes opened, joy floods, a new mind in Christ, etc. Those aren’t just words or phrases to me right now. Sure, I’ve heard songs that sing about it, and I’ve even expounded on it myself in lessons to the youth when I was the youth pastor–but I’ve recently realized in a new way that everyone needs to have the Gospel preached to them–even ministers like me. I am convinced there is something that happens on a spiritual level (something I can’t quite explain right now) when one chooses to submit oneself to the preaching of the Gospel. But you can’t do that unless it is preached to you and you come literally face-to-face with it. It’s one thing to preach the Gospel to someone else, it’s another thing to have it preached to you and for you to soak it in. This is one of my greatest fears of becoming a pastor–I can’t let myself preach the Gospel week after week, without it being preached to me week after week. I am currently praying that some way this will happen (perhaps via podcasts or connecting with a local pastor there). I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s like going without water for a long time, and then having a drink of it and wanting more and more and more and more. It’s like you realize how life-giving the water is, and how nothing else even comes close in comparison to filling that void. Not merely religion, not merely trying to live more like Jesus; nothing else comes close to understanding the mystery and power of the Gospel and all its implications. It truly does change everything.

When I tried to explain this to a friend about a month ago, I felt like I couldn’t explain it fully. It was like this explanation for why I keep fixating on the Gospel just wasn’t enough to explain the phenomenon. I’ve since realized that, although this is one strong reason for why I find myself in such a predicament, there’s something equally–if not greater–that has caused me to keep clinging to the Gospel. Something else that makes it so valuable and life-giving.

In David Platt’s book, Radical, that I’ve referred to in earlier posts, Platt recounts a time in his life in college regarding the Gospel, and I hope I get the general gist of it correct here on this blog. (I’m too lazy to go downstairs and find the part in the book again, so I’m recounting from memory. Hopefully, none of this is made-up.) He says something to the effect that for one of his assignments or something, he got in front of the entire class and shared the Gospel of Christ to everyone, and how there is no other way to heaven, except putting your faith in Christ, because only He can give us His righteousness. After sharing, one girl in his class came up to him and replied something to the effect of, “Are you telling me that you think I’m going to hell for eternity if I don’t believe in your religion? You are so narrow-minded and judgmental!” Platt then writes that as a result of this encounter, he went home and kept thinking to himself, “Do I really believe this? Is this really true? Cuz if not, I’ve just made a fool of myself!” This encounter forced him to decide on a deeper level if he really affirmed what he always believed. That wasn’t the end of the story. The next year, the same girl found David and told him how she had recently come to place her faith in Jesus and experienced for herself what he had shared with his class the year before. Now that she was a believer, her eyes were opened, and she saw the awesome truths that David was preaching that day. Her life was changed by the Gospel she had once derided.

When the Gospel costs you something, something powerful happens. When you have to let go of things in this life, you start to grab tighter on the Gospel, believing that it must be true even more. As Paul says, If it’s not true, Christians who believe in the Gospel are to be pitied the most of all men. I can relate with David Platt’s story. In my case, instead of my classmate responding in this way toward the Gospel, it was my pastor saying I was narrow-minded and judgmental for believing that everyone must put their faith in Christ, or else they remain eternally lost in their sins. I remember thinking, “If what I believe is not true, I’m an idiot. I’m walking away from a youth ministry that I love to death, I’m losing close friendships, I’m losing 33% of an already month-to-month income, I’m losing my church family, and I must be narrow-minded and judgmental like I’ve been accused of.”

By letting go of all these things, it’s like I felt like I was getting dangerously close to a situation where all I had left was the Gospel. Is the Gospel really true? Is it worth losing all these other things to? Is the Gospel really worth foreclosing my house and becoming dependent on family until something new comes along? Jesus, do you really mean this much to me? Am I crazy? So it forced me to start trusting and putting my faith in the Gospel like never before. Every time I heard it, it was REAL to me. I wanted more. I knew in a deeper way that Jesus really is all you need. And that there really is no way to the Father but through Him. There couldn’t be any other way. The Bible really is true. The world’s religions do not point to Christ, and the world is being deceived by them. And the world needs to know this. They ARE like that girl in David’s class–blinded to the truth and lost because of their sins. This ISN’T just something I’ve made up in my head. It doesn’t matter what other people think or say about me. After all, they aren’t really accusing ME of being judgmental and narrow-minded, they are accusing Scripture and the Gospel of being so. And here’s why I keep fixating on the Gospel: Inside of me, I just can’t reconcile how some people can feel that way about Scripture and the Gospel, while I find the same truths to be the most wonderful, miraculous gift and treasure ever given to us, so praise and thanks be to God!!!! How can anyone sing a song in church about what Christ has done or how we are made right with the Father through His work without something inside bubbling up with joy and appreciation and deepest humility? “I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but WHOLLY lean on Jesus’ name! On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand.”

These are not just words to sing to fill in some time on a Sunday morning worship service. No, they are the truth, and beyond being true…they are incredibly and thankfully true. If you find that you wish that you had more faith in God or His Gospel, I encourage you: willingly let go of things in this life out of trust in the Gospel. Tell someone at your work or your school about how Christ saves us and how He has saved you. Put yourself in a place where you have to trust that the Bible is indeed true. Something will happen. You’re life may go downhill as a result. Maybe you’ll lose your job or you’ll lose friends at school. Or maybe not. I had hoped that God would honor my step of faith and provide me even more income than I had while at the church. That didn’t happen. It got worse, not better. I truly lost things in this life, but I gained something far greater: I gained a deeper faith in God. I take that with me as I pastor my first church. If anyone thought I was idealistic before, I’m even more so today. I believe we can simply trust in God’s power to save people instead of all of the trappings that modern churches feel they must have. I clearly see the power of the Gospel!!!  I don’t care that the church I’m going to doesn’t have a staff, nor the “stuff” to hire a “staff.” In what ways does that even come close to comparing to the power of the Gospel?? It many people’s eyes, this church has very little. I don’t see it that way. Do you want to know what I see? I see David with 5 stones and a sling and the Lord on his side. I’d rather have that than a large army and a giant who could easily wipe David off with his little pinky. I’d rather have less money, less friends, less of this world and more of Christ. As the Matt Redman song says, “Take the world, but give me Jesus.”

I hope one day I trust Jesus and His Gospel enough to give it all away. Right now, however, I have a choice–do I continue to trust God even more, or do I revert back to trusting in other things. It’s a daily question. I’m afraid many days, I revert back. In fact, I’m still scared to talk to people about my faith at work or at the grocery store or in my neighborhood. I’m still a faithless sinner who has been saved by God’s grace alone. But writing in my blog has been extremely helpful to bring me back around. So has the sermons I’ve heard and the discussions I’ve had with friends. This stuff must not go away, even though I am going away. As the writer of Hebrews says, “Let us not forsake the gathering of ourselves together, but let us encourage one another even more as the day approaches.” I need to be encouraged to continue stepping out in faith for God! I’m too prone to keep comfortable and safe. I continue to want this life to be about me, instead of about God. But one day, we will all realize that this life really should have been all about Him all along.

I believe the writer of Hebrews is right, and that day is approaching. And I don’t want to become like some who lose more of their faith in Scripture or the Gospel as time has gone on…I want to be like those whose faith is such that the Gospel is more true and more powerful to them than ever before. Where are these people in Colorado? I want their faith to be an example for me. And I want to be that example for others as well.