Fasting, Day 39

Feb 08

Tomorrow is the last of 40 days of fasting! I don’t feel like I sacrificed nearly “enough” during these days, but I’m still super eager to be able to go on a normal eating routine once again. Going into the fast, I knew that after the first few days of fasting, hunger pains went away. I assumed that because of that, a 21-day fast or a 40-day fast wouldn’t be much harder than a 7-day fast. I assumed that once you get past the initial hurdle of hunger pains, you could go on indefinitely without eating (until true hunger returns) with little difficulty. I snickered at the advice that if you’ve only done a 3-day fast before, you should work up to a longer fast by going 7-days the next time. And then 2 weeks the next time after that, etc. I now realize I was wrong. Even after the initial hunger pains subside, there is the emotional/mental aspect of not eating. It is tiring and wearying. Even though I’ve only been fasting breakfast and lunch for the remaining 35 days or so, this feels like the longest 40 days of my life! In many ways, I feel like I’ve failed at this endeavor. I just got plain tired of it, and was ready to end it halfway through. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that I have a long way to go in my walk with God. I’m so self-consumed and am very resistant to obeying whatever God wants me to do. I long to be comfortable and live comfortably. I want to live a satisfying life. What I mean by that is a life that satisfies me. A friend of mine posted a Buddhist quote on Facebook that I think has a lot of truth to it: Before you attain it, it is something wonderful, but after you obtain it, it is nothing special. –Suzuki For me right now, “it” is a normal eating routine where I can eat whenever and whatever I want to. But I also know that “it” is many other things in my life, and will become many other things in my life in the future. There are so many things that I...

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