Wow, it’s been over a month since I last blogged. Of course, two of those weeks I was on vacation, but still…it’s been a long break! I’m starting back up with a fairly personal post. Oftentimes, when I go to sleep, negative thoughts surface about the areas of leadership in which I am not excelling. The funny thing is that during the day, I’m not aware of these shortcomings, but at night they come blaring through. The next morning, it’s as if nothing happened the night before, and I can’t even recall what exactly I was thinking as I was trying to fall asleep the night before. At times, I’ve thought “Maybe this is spiritual warfare,” because I often feel discouraged, rather than encouraged to press forward. And the discouragement is pretty heavy. When these thoughts come, it’s not uncommon for me to feel as if someone else would do a better job than me, so why not let someone else better do it? Or to feel as if because of my inadequacies, I’m letting other people down, and they won’t be able to reach their full potential because their leader (me) isn’t doing all he can to help them. At these times, I can see how much better things would be if only I didn’t have certain faults or if I worked harder or if I had other talents or… Like I said, at times I’ve wondered if this is some sort of spiritual attack (and I’m guessing my more “pentecostal” friends may think that’s a no-brainer). While I won’t dismiss that possibility, I’ve been recently made aware that leaders of all kinds (not just pastors or “spiritual” leaders) experience similar thoughts and feelings. I think it may be a manifestation of internal stress that leaders put on themselves without knowing it. For me, it surfaces and reveals itself at night in bed. I also think that the issue is compounded for me, because I tend to be a critical person. Most people think this is a negative trait, but I usually see it as a positive trait. I think things don’t usually get better until we are dissatisfied with how things currently are, and then as a...