Today Should Never Have Happened

It’s the day after taxes were due, and we’re ok for now. That shouldn’t be the case, but it is.

When I resigned my part-time job in January, I had nothing lined up to fill the loss of income. Before my resignation, we were already living month to month, with very little wiggle room to adjust our budget. A few times, in fact, we had to borrow from the money we had set aside for taxes to pay for gas in the car or buy groceries for the week. This was the few months before I resigned. Regardless, we had felt a peace two months earlier (November) to resign, which was a little daunting to us on a financial level for many reasons.. First, Christmas was coming up, which was going to be a hard hit for us. Second, income taxes were going to be due in April, and we didn’t have nearly enough resources set aside for what we estimated our taxes to be (I am self-employed, so instead of a nice refund check this time of years, it’s a honkin’ check to the IRS instead). Third, our yearly homeowner’s association dues were due in March. Fourthly, we later found out in December/January that we were expecting another child, which although is a great joy, also introduces further financial strain for the next nine months and beyond. And then there’s all the unexpected stuff that you can’t budget for, but seems to pop up at the most inopportune times.

It was our hope that the two months between November and January would give us time to locate supplemental income when the time came to resign. That never happened, but we stepped out in faith anyways. Three months later, it still hasn’t happened. Five months of hoping, praying for additional income within God’s will has been unanswered.

But even with a crushing 33% reduction in salary when we were already living paycheck to paycheck, our taxes are paid in full and with no debt (outside of our mortgage) or credit cards!

I was convinced that if we didn’t obtain supplemental income by now, this day wouldn’t have arrived. I anticipated we would currently be in the process of foreclosure and our monies once reserved for taxes would have been depleted in order to put food on the table and keep the heat running all winter.

But that isn’t where we stand today. Sure, we have no savings whatsoever for a rainy day. We are literally living day to day, and will continue to do so until our situation changes. But on paper, we should be deep in debt and without a home. Audra and I see our situation today as a miraculous, unnecessary way God has shown His faithfulness.

In the end, we may end up losing our home or going through further financial difficulty one way or the other. But that doesn’t mean God is no longer faithful. In other words, we don’t say that God is faithful ONLY because we somehow still have our home, or we somehow were able to pay our taxes. After all, none of these things are promised to us. Christians affirm God’s faithfulness, even when we can’t see it. People I know have lost much more worse things because they obey Christ. And Christians throughout history have lost their own family members and even their lives for obeying Christ.

And I am also not saying that God is faithful in this way because I have been faithful to Him. In fact, this time has been extremely trying for me, and I have been anything but faithful to God. I would be embarrassed to reveal all the thoughts I’ve had during this time (self-righteous, self-pitying, self-indulgent, anger, doubt, worry, distrust, anxiety). I’m sure I’ll have plenty more along these lines. I even wrestle at times with whether this is really a miracle from God or not. My faith is puny. So as Christians, we believe God is faithful simply because that’s His character. He is so regardless of my circumstances and regardless of how faithful I am to him.

Even so, in the end I do believe that because of my circumstances I’ve had moments of stronger trust in God than I’ve had before, and I do believe I’ve seen God prove Himself faithful through these circumstances. That’s why I wanted to post this today. I promised myself that if we arrived on tax day with all of our financial obligations to that point paid in full, I would be freely and publicly praising God, because it would only be by His grace, strength, and provision. I wish I was with some old-fashioned Pentecostals so we could have Testimony Time!

I close with a passage from 2 Timothy 2:11-13 I have appreciated from an early age:

Here is a trustworthy saying:

If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.