Tomorrow is the last of 40 days of fasting! I don’t feel like I sacrificed nearly “enough” during these days, but I’m still super eager to be able to go on a normal eating routine once again.
Going into the fast, I knew that after the first few days of fasting, hunger pains went away. I assumed that because of that, a 21-day fast or a 40-day fast wouldn’t be much harder than a 7-day fast. I assumed that once you get past the initial hurdle of hunger pains, you could go on indefinitely without eating (until true hunger returns) with little difficulty. I snickered at the advice that if you’ve only done a 3-day fast before, you should work up to a longer fast by going 7-days the next time. And then 2 weeks the next time after that, etc.
I now realize I was wrong. Even after the initial hunger pains subside, there is the emotional/mental aspect of not eating. It is tiring and wearying. Even though I’ve only been fasting breakfast and lunch for the remaining 35 days or so, this feels like the longest 40 days of my life! In many ways, I feel like I’ve failed at this endeavor. I just got plain tired of it, and was ready to end it halfway through. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that I have a long way to go in my walk with God. I’m so self-consumed and am very resistant to obeying whatever God wants me to do. I long to be comfortable and live comfortably.
I want to live a satisfying life. What I mean by that is a life that satisfies me. A friend of mine posted a Buddhist quote on Facebook that I think has a lot of truth to it:
Before you attain it, it is something wonderful, but after you obtain it, it is nothing special. –Suzuki
For me right now, “it” is a normal eating routine where I can eat whenever and whatever I want to. But I also know that “it” is many other things in my life, and will become many other things in my life in the future. There are so many things that I want badly, just because I can’t have them. I’m sure that if I ever do have them, they will not be all that special. Just like a normal eating routine will be nothing special once I have it again. I hope that as time goes on, I will be more content with Jesus, and will be more willing to lose everything else.
Do you ever find yourself wishing that you could take a break from the path you know Jesus is calling you on? I often feel this way, and I often do break away unfortunately. But in the end, I guess it’s back on the path and keep trudging forward. Like the poet said, I’ve got “miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.”
I have a choice to make at the end of these 40 days. Is it the end, or are there still many more miles to go? I hate the right answer to that question.
4 responses to “Fasting, Day 39”
Remember that you taught us a few months ago that one of the spiritual disciplines is Celebration! I believe that come Thursday, we are going to be one celebratory couple–you with lunch, and me with ice cream and brownies and Hershey’s syrup.
As a parent, I love, love, love getting to see Naomi and Rachel and now Sarah having fun. I love to see their faces when they open their birthday presents or when we surprise them with a fun excursion somewhere. It gives me a lot of pleasure. I think God is the same way. He is happy when He sees His children enjoying the gifts He has given us. He has graciously given us many gifts, none of which we deserve, but all of which we can enjoy. We don’t need to get carried away, but there is indeed a time for everything.
P.S. I am seriously considering staying up until midnight tomorrow to crack open the ice cream.
I plan on celebrating with lunch AND breakfast from now on…
I agree there is a time for everything, but it’s always up to us to decide when it’s time for this or that. I’m reminded of Jesus temptations by the devil after he fasted for 40 days.
Also, I wonder how much God enjoys watching us enjoy our gifts when others of his children die or suffer because they have nothing?
That being said, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t enjoy things in life. I just think that us Americans (including Christians like myself) seem to live for that enjoyment and find it too hard to let it go. I don’t think our problem is that we need to enjoy God’s gifts more.
I struggle with that too. Obviously we have so much more than so much of the world. It is easy to feel very guilty about that, and maybe we should. But to answer your question, I would say that it is also possible that God would probably rather us enjoy His gifts (and acknowledge that they come from Him and give him credit for them) than have us be unnecessarily long-faced.
Your point about Jesus being tempted after the 40 days is a good one and one we may need to be on the lookout for.
I want (and feel a need) to get to the point where I can give up anything/everything and not be “unnecessarily long-faced.”
Perhaps this can only happen as one relies more heavily on God. I think that in conjunction, voluntarily giving up things we enjoy in life at various times might also help this along. I know that in the end, it has to be a work of the Holy Spirit, not something we try to achieve in our own strength.