Fasting, Day 1

Our church is starting the year off with 40 days of prayer and fasting. I’ve debated whether to blog about this or not, in light of Jesus’ words about fasting and not proclaiming it wherever you go. In the end, I feel Jesus is addressing a mindset and arrogant heart that tries to get praise from people when one fasts, and that’s not my goal. In fact, most–if not all–of the people who read this blog I never see anyways–they’re google-searchers or friends of mine from the past, so I’m not trying to impress anyone around here. If anyone around here does read this, they’re participating in the fast too, so this isn’t breaking any secrets.

The reason I want to blog about this experience is because so few of us fast, and I think it would be beneficial to hear someone’s account. I figure it can only help gain a better understanding for fasting, and that anything we can do to make fasting less of a foreign concept is a good thing (since Jesus assumed His people would fast when He left the earth). I must admit that this is only the second time in my life that I have done a “real” fast. I’ve done a few other fasts where I don’t eat for a day, and then once nightfall comes, I pig out. 🙂 There’s only been one other time that I’ve fasted for about 3-4 days, and it was an interesting experience.

This time, I plan on fasting for as long as my body allows during this 40-day period. Because of my body type and weight, I know that will mean less than 40 days, because I don’t have much when it comes to reserves. I’m not going to get into the practical aspects of “how to fast” here, but one thing that I’ve learned about fasting is that the first few days are very hard, because you feel very hungry, but then that goes away for several weeks. But when hunger returns, you know it’s time to break your fast–otherwise you will do serious harm to your body. If you would like to learn more about the practical aspects of fasting, I compiled a Fasting FAQ for our church as a resource during these 40 days. Feel free to read it. I basically copied word-for-word from several sources which are listed at the end, so please note that I’m not claiming any originality here. I admit I basically copied and pasted (plagiarism at it’s best!).

The first time I fasted, I quit eating food cold-turkey. The first few days I felt extreme hunger (growling stomach, etc.). This time, I followed advice I read and slowly cut out foods until the last two days I ate only raw vegetables/fruits and drank juice. I think that really did help. My first day of this fast my stomach only growled once, and that was around 7 pm. I was able to serve my kids dinner without a strong aching hunger, which is very different from the last fast. My body felt weak, however. I didn’t want to be on my feet for long periods of time. Most of the day, I rested on the couch.

I’ve had many different (and conflicting) thoughts this first day. I’ve had a recurring thought that even though I’m not really that hungry, I just wish I could eat some food. It frustrates me that there’s nothing wrong with eating food, but I can’t. I’m jealous/envious of others who can. I feel like I’m missing out on something. I think this is also how I feel sometimes as a Christian/pastor. I could make a great living like everyone else and live in affluence/comfort (there’s nothing sinful about that), but I don’t feel God leading me to that. Sometimes I am jealous/envious of others who can. I feel like I’m missing out on life. Then part of me reminds myself that this fast is only temporary, and when it’s over I can indulge in food once again. But part of me feels that’s the wrong attitude to have, and that maybe God wants me to really cut back on what I eat and how much I eat. I don’t like that prospect at all. I want to enjoy life as much as I can. I’ve also thought about so many people in the world who are living in hunger right now. In reality, I am living a life of affluence/comfort. This fast is just a temporary condition for me, and at any time I can end it. But for many little children around the world, this is their life everyday. On top of that, they don’t have the comforts of a home, family income, clothing, electricity, running water, family etc either. I am feeling guilty for letting them live this way and not doing everything I can to help them. No one should have to live this way, and how can I call myself a Christian if I have so much and give them so little?

I didn’t do much praying this first day. That’s because there were lots of bowl games, and I wanted to watch them. That goes back to wanting to enjoy life as well. In my mind, I’m thinking, “I’m already fasting (suffering), I should be allowed to just rest and enjoy myself in some way!” One thing I have been doing is reading Ephesians. During this fast, our church will be studying this book. I’ve reread Ephesians chapter 1 over and over again. Every time I’ve read it, God keeps bringing me away from this self-indulgent attitude, and pushes me toward living spiritually instead of fleshly. When I read it, my heart says, “Yes, this is what you should focus on. Don’t worry about what you will eat or how you will enjoy yourself: Jesus has given you everything spiritually–you lack nothing.”

I am hoping that my hunger pains stay at this level the next few days. If so, giving up the fast will be much less of a temptation than the last time. I also hope that God does a work in my heart during this fast, so that my flesh and spirit are not so torn. Even as I write that, part of me is looking forward to ending the fast and returning to a life of feasting on life’s pleasures. That part of me is screaming, “No! Don’t give into the spirit! You’ll miss out on so much!” Woe is me.